Claudio StudiosReturn Brief · v0.3 · updated
A Mary Elton Production · Confidential
The History of Everything
As It Actually Happened, According to Mary Elton, Indifferent Goddess of All Time.
An illustrated bookFor Nan's 73rd · 15 June 2026Gated · family onlyFor review: Lola
Often wrong — never unintentionally.
01
The ProjectThe History of Everything
What we're making
The Project
Nan isn't turning 73. She's always been here.
The whole site runs on one idea: Mary Elton is an immortal goddess who has watched — and been mildly annoyed by — all of human history from her couch, fuelled by turkish delight. The "born 1953" line is a polite fiction she keeps so as not to frighten the mortals. She only powers down to plain old "Nan" the day her heir, Lola, is born: 2 July 2011.
The big picture — what it all builds to
It's not 22 separate jokes. It's one long joke building to one true thing. For 13.8 billion years nothing impresses her — and it gets funnier the bigger the event (the Big Bang barely rates) and angrier the pettier the annoyance (a moved supermarket aisle nearly ends creation). Then, for the first and only time ever, she gets off the couch. For you, 2 July 2011. That's the whole point of the book — which is exactly why you're the one who signs it off.
What changed since last time: it started life as a slideshow. It's now an illustrated book — gated, password-protected, Claudio Studios house style, family eyes only. Twenty-two chapters walk from the Big Bang to her birthday, getting sillier and more frequent as they approach the present. A miserable robot called Claudio turns up across the ages, hating every minute. (The slideshow might still happen later, reusing the same pictures — but the book is the present.)
The lines we hold
The taste ceiling
Broad kid gags on top (the "Simpsons rule"), with a quieter grown-up layer underneath. The grown-up stuff is rationed — basically one wink in the whole book (Chapter 14) and nothing ruder.
Running through-lines
Poppa is forever an unevolved sea-slug. Nan is the crafty little shrew who outlasts the dinosaurs. Her answer to all suffering: "walk it off."
How a page works
Each page is one tall picture with a short bit of writing (~100 words) — picture dominant, words around it, one page = one screen. The full per-page draft is on the Story, Page by Page page in the Lab.
Confidential
Family only, every page hidden from search, gated behind a password. And it's a surprise — Nan can't see it, so she can't be asked anything about it.
And there's a Book Two coming. Poppa's Counter-Book — the same history retold by the slug who reckons he out-evolved God. It's just a skeleton for now (his birthday's 29 June), but it's why Poppa keeps popping up through Nan's book. See the Lab home for the teaser.
02
The Creative TeamThe History of Everything
Who made it
The Team
Showrunner · Chief Mythologist
Marty
Dreamed up the goddess. Grandson of A-Grade Mary, born 24/12 — a cut above B-Grade Mary's effort: a Landscaper, not a carpenter. Demonstrably superior to Jesus.
Co-Gatekeeper · Creative Director · Heir
Lola
The reason Mary ever powered down. Final sign-off on every page, owns the jokes, and inherited the universe. Staff comedian.
Scribe · Build-Bot
Claude
Writes the pages, draws the avocado, builds the book. No relation to Claudio. (That's what Claudio said too.)
Script Editor · Fact-Checker
EB-Ola
The niece. Checks the dates, polices the chronology, red-pens the weak gags. Behaves like a disease toward bad punchlines.
Staff Comedian · Original material by Lola
Why don't you get up in the night for the toilet in the Kremlin?
They have a Poo-Tin.
Special credits: Claudio (mascot, under duress) and Mary "Nan" Elton (Executive Producer & the Almighty — did not return calls, eating turkish delight).
03
The LookThe History of Everything
Art direction
The Look
The art style isn't fixed — it's media archaeology. Each era is drawn in the medium of its time, so the pictures themselves travel through the history of image-making… and then freeze in 1974, the year Nan stopped keeping up with the trends. Everything after looks identically, gloriously dated. The style is the joke.
Dawn → 3000 BC · cave paint & carved stone (the opening tablet)
~2560 BC · Egyptian papyrus & hieroglyph
1000–300 BC · Greek black-figure pottery
~1 AD–1300s · illuminated manuscript, gold leaf
1915 · sepia photograph
1953 / 1969 · black-and-white TV, faded Kodachrome
1970 · psychedelic poster — her last trend
❄ Frozen 1974 → present · avocado, burnt orange, harvest gold, wood panel — the same look for 1975 and for 2026.
A single dusty footnote on the first frozen page tells the reader why, so the gag lands without being explained twice. Claudio is the one constant — the same miserable robot in every era, just redrawn in that era's medium.
This bit is working — and it's locked.
We've drawn 5 test pages already (Chapters 1, 6, 9, 14 and 20). The era styles and the frozen-1974 colours look great and are signed off. The one thing still being sorted is making Nan's face look like Nan on every page — see the sign-off page.
04
The StoryboardChronological · 1 of 2
The big picture
Storyboard
01 The Big Bang~13.8 billion yrs ago
Lights the fuse on creation, then watches it like boring telly. 13.8 billion years on, still hasn't got off the couch.
✓ test page drawn
02 Life Crawls from the Oceans~375 mya
First up the beach: Poppa, a damp sea-slug. Love at first ooze.
to illustrate
03 The Dinosaurs~150 mya
Nan's the crafty little shrew taking notes as the giants die out. Poppa's still a slug.
to illustrate
04 Stonehenge~3000 BC · Claudio
Not a temple — a photo printer. 94% Hugh. Claudio hauled every stone.
to illustrate
05 Noah's Ark~2900 BC
Two of each? Michael fills the esky; Fletcher's tinny out-fishes the Ark.
to illustrate
06 The Pyramids~2560 BC
All that showing off — just like Poppa's backyard "telescope" dome.
✓ test page drawn
07 David & Goliath~1000 BC
Pack it in, or she cuts the beanstalk and burns the treehouse.
to illustrate
08 Alexander the Great356–323 BC
"Great — for a Macedonian." Nan's Bulgarian dad is unimpressed.
grown-ups checking the wording
09 The Birth of Jesus~1 AD
A-Grade Mary sizes up B-Grade Mary's baby and isn't impressed.
✓ test page · your call on the cheeky line
10 The Plague~1347
"Walk it off." School's not cancelled. Everyone still goes.
to illustrate
11 Gallipoli1915
Could've stopped it. The turkish delight was right there.
to illustrate
05
The StoryboardChronological · 2 of 2
The big picture, continued
Storyboard
12 World War II1939–45
Notices too late; gets her revenge by unleashing the Russians on Berlin. (Granny was Ukrainian.)
to illustrate
13 The Moon Landing1969
Unimpressed — she left a tin of turkish delight up there centuries ago.
to illustrate
14 The Kinks Write "Lola" ★1970
She hears the chorus, hears that name, and files it away for 2011. The one grown-up wink.
✓ test page · cigarette to keep or cut
15 "Hurricane" / Rubin Carter1975 · freeze begins
Nan framed the Hurricane and let Bob Dylan take the credit. First frozen page.
to illustrate
16 America's Cup1983
She'd had the winged keel drawn up for centuries, waiting for the right upset.
to illustrate
17 The Berlin Wall1989
The Russians she let out in '43 get out for good. She shoves the wall over herself. Your Poo-Tin joke lives here.
to illustrate
18 Crows Back-to-Back1997 & 1998
'97 was skill, '98 was her. Don't argue. She framed a man for less.
to illustrate
19 Y2K1999–2000
She started the panic, did nothing. Aunty Sandra stockpiled the tinned spaghetti.
to illustrate
20 The Silly One: Foodlandthe petty one
They moved the turkish-delight aisle; she nearly ended creation.
✓ test page · keep this as the silly one?
21 The Heir Arrives2 July 2011 · the turn
You're born; the goddess puts the remote down for good. Mary becomes Nan.
to illustrate · needs a photo of you
22 Happy Birthday, Nan15 June 2026
The "retired" goddess turns 73. From everyone she couldn't be bothered not to make.
to illustrate
★ = the single grown-up wink, and it stays gentle. ✓ = one of the 5 test pages already drawn. Bigger versions of every panel are on the Storyboard Thumbnails board in the lab.
06
Sign-OffCreative Director: Lola
Your call
Sign-Off
Nothing ships until it passes this page. Mark it up, boss.
The verdict
Approved — build it
Approved with changes (noted)
Back to the lab
Notes
_______________________
_______________________
_______________________
_______________________
The one thing we need before this can finish
Good photos of Nan. The pictures are drawn by a computer that copies a real face from photos. Right now it's guessing, so Nan comes out looking like five different random old ladies. If we get 4 or 5 clear photos of Nan (one straight-on, one side-on, one big smile, one standing up), every page can look like the actual Nan. This is the hold-up — everything else is ready to roll once we have them.
Decisions that are yours to make
The look — each era drawn in its own old-fashioned style, then frozen in daggy 1970s colours forever. Yes, or change it?
The page shape — one tall picture per page with a little writing, so it's one screen and you never scroll back up. Works for you?
Chapter 9 (Jesus) — keep the cheeky line where Nan reckons Jesus "did one famous weekend and never worked again"? Your call — too far, or leave it?
Chapter 14 (the Kinks) — in the test picture Nan's holding a lit cigarette (very 1970). Keep it for the look, or take it out?
Chapter 20 (the silly one) — the petty chapter is Foodland moving the turkish-delight aisle. Happy with that as the silly one?
Anything missing? — 22 chapters, Big Bang to her 73rd. Any moment of Nan's you think has to be in there?
Not your call (the grown-ups are on it): Chapter 8 has a line in Bulgarian — the spelling has to be checked carefully before it goes anywhere, so leave that one to Marty.
07