Claudio StudiosReturn Brief · v0.2
A Mary Elton Production · Confidential
The History of Everything
As It Actually Happened, According to Mary Elton, Indifferent Goddess of All Time.
For Nan's 73rd · 15 June 2026Gated · family onlyFor review: Lola
Often wrong — never unintentionally.
01
The ProjectThe History of Everything
What we're making
The Project
Nan isn't turning 73. She's always been here.
The whole site runs on one idea: Mary Elton is an immortal goddess who has watched — and been mildly annoyed by — all of human history from her couch, fuelled by turkish delight. The "born 1953" line is a polite fiction she keeps so as not to frighten the mortals. She only powers down to plain old "Nan" the day her heir, Lola, is born: 2 July 2011.
It's a gated, password-protected slideshow in the Claudio Studios house style — a tongue-in-cheek tribute, family eyes only. Twenty-two chapters walk from the Big Bang to her birthday, getting sillier and more frequent as they approach the present. A miserable robot called Claudio turns up across the ages, hating every minute.
The lines we hold
The taste ceiling
Broad kid gags on top (the "Simpsons rule"). Grandkid-level only — dick-and-poo register at most. Exactly one grown-up wink in the whole site, and it's rationed.
Running through-lines
Poppa is forever an unevolved sea-slug. Nan is the crafty shrew who outlasts the dinosaurs. Her answer to all suffering: "walk it off."
The music
Nan's own records — Dylan first, then Jimmy Barnes and her era. The art style evolves through history, then freezes in 1974 (she stopped keeping up).
Confidential
Family only, every page hidden from search. Gated behind the family password. The jokes only work for people who know the cast.
02
The Creative TeamThe History of Everything
Who made it
The Team
Showrunner · Chief Mythologist
Marty
Dreamed up the goddess. Grandson of A-Grade Mary, born 24/12 — a cut above B-Grade Mary's effort: a Landscaper, not a carpenter. Demonstrably superior to Jesus.
Co-Gatekeeper · Creative Director · Heir
Lola
The reason Mary ever powered down. Final sign-off on every page, owns the jokes, and inherited the universe. Staff comedian.
Scribe · Build-Bot
Claude
Hauls the stones, writes the captions, draws the avocado. No relation to Claudio. (That's what Claudio said too.)
Script Editor · Fact-Checker
EB-Ola
The niece. Verifies every Dylan lyric, polices the chronology, red-pens the weak gags. Behaves like a disease toward bad punchlines.
Staff Comedian · Original material by Lola
Why don't you get up in the night for the toilet in the Kremlin?
They have a Poo-Tin.
Special credits: Claudio (mascot, under duress) and Mary "Nan" Elton (Executive Producer & the Almighty — did not return calls, eating turkish delight).
03
The LookThe History of Everything
Art direction
The Look
The art style isn't fixed — it's media archaeology. Each era is drawn in the medium of its time, so the pictures themselves travel through the history of image-making… and then freeze in 1974, the year Nan stopped keeping up with the trends. Everything after looks identically, gloriously dated. The style is the joke.
Dawn → 3000 BC · cave paint & carved stone (the opening tablet)
~2560 BC · Egyptian papyrus & hieroglyph
1000–300 BC · Greek black-figure pottery
~1 AD–1300s · illuminated manuscript, gold leaf
1915 · sepia photograph
1953 / 1969 · black-and-white TV, faded Kodachrome
1970 · psychedelic poster — her last trend
❄ Frozen 1974 → present · avocado, burnt orange, harvest gold, wood panel — the same look for 1975 and for 2026.
A single dusty footnote on the first frozen slide tells the reader why, so the gag lands without being explained twice. Claudio is the one constant — the same miserable robot in every era, just redrawn in that era's medium.
04
The StoryboardChronological · 1 of 2
The big picture
Storyboard
01 The Big Bang~13.8 billion yrs ago
Lights the fuse on creation, watches it with Sheldon, never gets off the couch.
♫ "Father of Night"
02 Life Crawls from the Oceans~375 mya
First up the beach: Poppa, a damp sea-slug. Love at first ooze.
♫ "Man Gave Names to All the Animals"
03 The DinosaursNEW~150 mya
Nan's the crafty shrew taking notes as the giants die out. Poppa's still a slug.
♫ instrumental
04 Stonehenge~3000 BC · Claudio
Not a temple — a photo printer. 94% Hugh. Claudio hauled every stone.
♫ silent
05 Noah's Ark~2900 BC
Two of each? Michael fills the esky; Fletcher's tinny out-fishes the Ark.
♫ "Down in the Flood"
06 The Pyramids~2560 BC
All that showing off — just like Poppa's backyard "telescope" dome.
♫ "Isis"
07 David & Goliath~1000 BC
Pack it in, or she cuts the beanstalk and burns the treehouse.
♫ "When the Ship Comes In"
08 Alexander the Great356–323 BC
"Great — for a Macedonian." Nan's Bulgarian dad is unimpressed.
♫ Bulgarian folk
09 The Birth of Jesus~1 AD
A-Grade Mary roasts B-Grade Mary: the kid's slow, line up carpentry.
♫ "Highway 61 Revisited"
10 The PlagueNEW~1347
"Walk it off." School's not cancelled. Everyone still goes.
♫ era track
11 Gallipoli1915
Could've stopped it. The turkish delight was right there.
♫ "With God on Our Side"
05
The StoryboardChronological · 2 of 2
The big picture, continued
Storyboard
12 World War IINEW1939–45
Notices too late; punishes Germany by uncaging the Russians. (Granny was Ukrainian.)
♫ "Masters of War"
13 The Moon Landing1969
Unimpressed — she left a tin of turkish delight up there centuries ago.
♫ era track
14 The Kinks Write "Lola" ★1970
She hears the chorus and files the name away for 2011. The one grown-up wink.
♫ The Kinks — "Lola"
15 "Hurricane" / Rubin Carter1975 · freeze begins
Nan framed the Hurricane and let Dylan take the case. First frozen slide.
♫ "Hurricane"
16 America's Cup1983
She'd had the winged keel drawn up for centuries, waiting for the right upset.
♫ "Down Under" / Barnes
17 The Berlin WallNEW1989
The Russians she caged in '43 get out. She knocks the wall down herself.
♫ "Another Brick in the Wall"
18 Crows Back-to-Back1997 & 1998
'97 was skill, '98 was her. Don't argue. She framed a man for less.
♫ "Working Class Man"
19 Y2KNEW1999–2000
She started the panic, did nothing. Aunty Sandra stockpiled the tins.
♫ era track
20 The Silly Onepick: Foodland
They moved the turkish-delight aisle; she nearly ended creation.
♫ era track
21 The Heir Arrives2 July 2011 · epilogue
Lola is born; the goddess powers down for good. Mary becomes Nan.
♫ "Forever Young"
22 Happy Birthday, Nan15 June 2026
The "retired" goddess turns 73. From everyone she couldn't be bothered not to make.
♫ "Forever Young"
★ = the single grown-up wink. NEW = added since the first pitch. Full art panels are on the Storyboard Thumbnails board in the lab.
06
Sign-OffCreative Director: Lola
Your call
Sign-Off
Nothing ships until it passes this page. Mark it up, boss.
The verdict
Approved — build it
Approved with changes (noted)
Back to the lab
Notes
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Six decisions still open
Bulgarian (Ch.8) — confirm the wording „Като за македонец" with Nan's dad.
Baby-Jesus cheek (Ch.9) — is Nan relaxed about the "slow kid / carpentry" gag?
Gallipoli music (Ch.11) — hold the Dylan rule, or break it for Eric Bogle?
The silly one (Ch.20) — Betamax, Foodland, or the Many Marys?
The track list (#6) — built around your notes, right after this pass.
Extra events? — Federation, Decimal currency '66, the Dress (2015), Sydney 2000 — in or out?
07